San JoseTower: "Flight 751 heavy, turn right at the end if able. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. 66. ! The Scouts at least have adult supervision. My grandpa Bob was in the Navy. What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? Minimum Connecting Time Time it takes an Olympic Gold Medal sprinter to run between two gates, 61. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. 3) The pen used by the military meets 16 pages of military specs. You had tents?, A drill sergeant yells at his young trainee, I didnt see you at camouflage training this morning, private!, The private replies, Well, thank you very much, sir., A general gets stuck in his Jeep on the side of the road. However, even with full power, the little plane could not handle the load and went down a few moments after take-off. We recommend our users to update the browser. But 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. Basic Army training rules goes as follows: If it moves, salute it. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the A friend paid my mother a visit. Thanks.. 36. These military jokes about the United States Air Force are a mixed bag. And )second While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. When the general asked, Which outfit are you in? the Marine replied, Dress blues, sir, with medals!. I would stay behind and neatly print each soldiers name onto his Army-issued underwear. How tough? We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. Aircraft Engineers 1. The official allowed us to pass without opening a single suitcase. The other replied, Not me! After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them There are three rules in this mess hall- Shut up! 41. 29. Guys, do you know some jokes related to military aviation? I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool. From the pilot during his welcome message: We are pleased to announce that we have some of the best Flight Attendants in the aviation industry. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. ", "Yes, sir," my mother said with a sigh. Long Haul Well, I, too, am a SEASONED Veteran! There was one particular sergeant that worried about everything possible. I have been telling the same joke for a lot of years, but today I will change it up. When I spotted a Navy captain on the street, I saluted and bellowed, LST 395, which was the designation and number of the ship I served on during World War II. Nothing, she said. I was very nervous, she said. My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. He says, Anyway, enough about me. Bad altitude. A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change. We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. Economy Class Conditions under which transportation of animals would constitute a criminal offence, 57. Do not conduct live fire exercises at the generals (unattended) jeep, even if its parked in an area clearly marked Live Fire Zone. "It took us a while to find a new pilot." Why did the airplane get sent to his room? What do you call a group of kids who enlists in the military? What Do You Call a Soldier Who Survived Mustard Gas and Pepper Spray? Son, you are going to have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot. All you dummies fall out. As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention. She also liked her scotch. Picking up some unidentifiable gear, I said, I didnt get one of these! Its got to be the Air Force because theyre U.S. AF! While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. She's been working as a writer, editor, QA specialist, and SEO professional for more than four years. At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. You have plenty of time. Jack Girard. 5) The Franco-Prussian War ended in a stalemate and had to be settled by a winner-take-all game of backgammon played by the two countries prime ministers. We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. If a baby joined the Army, where would they belong? I thought I was on top of my game that day, but he was quite scrupulous, as evidenced by the fact that his written evaluation of me cited this issue: Instructor loses eye contact with class while writing on blackboard.. Share yours with us on our socials Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! I say again, stand down and divert your course. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you. What are you doing? I asked. 30. A Recruiter Misled You. But before I could get out, he pointed to the other end of the building and said, The band entrance is that way. Gordon Van Otteren. Now, he said, when I say left, its the one that hurts.. Did you make it all by yourself? 10. USAF Manual It is generally inadvisable to eject over the area you have just bombed, 6. Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. He would never get on my nerves, because he would always be gone. What would As A.J. After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base, in Germany, with my eight siblings and me, all under age 11. Learn from the mistakes of others. To the Soldiers surprise, the Marine was laughing about it. Two sailors were discussing which assignments theyd like to get. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a very close shave. Caller: Is Sgt. At least SEVEN Cs! What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in his office. Aeronautical Humor. 43. 50. Another landing like that and I'll have enough parts for another one.". U.S. Navy Warship: We are a large warship of the United States Navy. [Easy] How to Clean Rust off of a Gun Without Damaging it? !An angry voice finally replied, My name aint George!. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. Now, they are wanted for dessertion. 2. 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. The gunners very first shot sent the drone into the water! As for the rest of you, get down and give me 40 for lying!. Had a new guy conduct a boom test on a howitzer by yelling Boom! down the tube in order to calibrate it 11. You do know that he could get ill from the bacteria on the toilet. The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard. He is the Founder and . If at least ONE military joke below doesnt make you giggle, well, wed be concerned. Military jokes, Aviation humor, Military humor Explore Education Career Save From scontent-mxp1-1.xx.fbcdn.net Military Jokes N Nawar K. 644 followers More information Military Jokes Army Humor Funny Photos Funny Images Aviation Humor History Jokes Warrior Quotes Stupid Funny Memes Hilarious More information . In an attempt to keep, the passengers from standing or moving around before taxiing was completed the Flight Attendant of an internal flight said over the PA, "Ladies and Gentlemen. When the sailor finishes up, he heads to the sink to wash his hands. While drinking their beers, the smart-ass fighter pilot decided to ask, How many did you end up catching today.. They know how to take up space. A military private saying I learned this in boot camp 32. Keep up with Katee on Instagram and linkedin.com. !" Marine: "Wait, stop. When they come home, they get to leave their inlaws thousands of miles away. They bought their four-year-old son two stuffed bears one in a UPS uniform and the other in Marine garb. As they started loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot said the plane could take only four moose. Home; Jokes; Pictures; Videos; GIFs; Runway 37 Comics; Weird Wings; Today I Learned; Quizzes; Jokes. I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. When I told him I had no clue how to make soup, he handed me a cookbook and instructed, Follow the directions carefully. During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in his office. We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. While waiting every one will come by multiple times except yours, 62. He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. Can You Name All 8 United States Uniformed Services? (pointing at the sky). My friend kept asking what my military rank was, but I kept telling him its Private. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. One day, the pilot of a single-engine Cherokee was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a DC-8 landed. This program is designed to provide a way for websites to earn advertising fees by linking to Amazon. And we don't even wonder 'why' because one has to twiddle their thumbs one way or another. Dear Soldier, If youre having a rough day, remember the most important thing in life is to be yourself. Ask the Air Force to secure a building and they will sign a 10 year lease with an option to buy. Flight Announcements 4. You should always use any of that variety of jokes sparingly. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment. It was sheer brilliance. What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? A military warrant officer saying Okay now watch this shit. Whats the difference between God and a fighter pilot? Sure, its hilarious to poke fun at rival branches sometimes. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!, 21. Why do members of the military often marry lovers from the foreign countries they were deployed in? Mother, as you know, I, too, am a captain in the Air Force. Sometimes I think war is Gods way of teaching us geography. They want their patients to see 20:20! Discussion Board on this Military Joke. Its not weak, he replied. MARCH! ", The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the base operator asked him. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, Airman: "The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside!" Soldier: "No way, you guys had air conditioners? And you also make me nervous when you visit.. You might be in the Coast Guard if you claim to have every woman in the port, yet youre at an ashore unit. Without a letter from public affairs, well have to take your camera. I did the only thing I could do: I pulled a notepad and pen from my bag and wrote a letter giving myself permission to take photos. The Best Short Military Jokes 1. Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike? The soldier remarked, How long was I in there for?. The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo, the plane is too heavy. Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. Warren and his wife Joy went to the local Air Show every year, and every year Joy would say, "Warren, I'd like to ride in that helicopter. A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. Dario Leone is an aviation, defense and military writer. Im 81 years old, he answered. 130 Best Aviation Humor ideas | aviation humor, humor, aviation Aviation Humor 129 Pins 1y S Collection by STS Aviation Group Share Similar ideas popular now Humor Funny Military Humor Aviation Fuel Aviation Humor Aviation Technology Airbus Boeing Airline Humor Airline Reservations People Fly Flight Attendant Life LinkedIn Aviation Quotes Why doesnt the Army team have ice on the sidelines during football games? During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. The MPs read the letter, saluted, and left. She observed that the men now walked over 20 paces BEHIND their wives! March forth! When our drill instructor demanded an explanation, the man bellowed, This recruit has proved himself worthless and weak and is being mailed home to his mother!. "Last one off the plane has to clean it", 25. He snapped off a salute and responded, I dont know, sir! Turning to the sergeant, he asked, Gunnery, where is my foxhole? Not long after, I had a large kettle of soup simmering. My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. ", The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it on the ground, took off her clothing and said, "Take what you want", The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway". Was looking for the best candidate to fill a spot on a field team. The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. 11. There are many branches of the military. How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? I just put them all together for your amusement. Want some really over-the-top, cheesy jokes about the military? Pointing to the Airborne wings on my Army uniform, I explained, The last time someone gave me wings, I had to jump out of the airplane.. 44. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. Fighter Training Manual You know your landing gear is UP and LOCKED when it takes full power to taxi to your parking spot. Aviation Humor. This is really good, he said. Trust us; we have plenty of those, too. 1. An airplane! You seem in a good mood., He replied, Im paying a private to do all my worrying for me.. Since this can be an extremely stressful job for the pilots and a boring ordeal for all you lovely passengers, we have carefully compiled this list of funny one-liners about pilots to keep your spirits up. Katees passion for writing and fascination for language has forever guided her path in life. What do you call a training sergeant who's very kind and respectful? There was bound to be trouble, and I was right, because suddenly, he fell silenteyebrows arched, brain overloaded.